There is no greater pain than withholding the truth of how lonely you really are inside.
It’s said when darkness falls is when you feel the pain the most.
Maybe a huge sign to never depend on anyone in the world other than yourself, is realizing even your own shadow leaves you at night, and then possibly you wouldn’t be feeling this way right now.
Left Behind (Without a Reason or Explanation).
No matter how many times you are told that you are loved, or the amount of people that constantly remind you of it, the pain continuously seems to linger…night after night.
You become so used to people coming and going out of our life, or using you for their own selfish reasons; that subconsciously you just begin to push people away, because you never know who’s the next one to leave. Then eventually, you just prevent yourself from getting close to people in general anymore, until eventually, you just shut down completely.
You lay awake at night, replaying the same scenarios over in your head of what went wrong, or what could you have maybe done differently to make them stay…or simply just question the fact: why did they abandon you?
Even if you came to a conclusion, which would just be blaming yourself and that everything you did was wrong, since you can’t find any other reason, the truth is: It’s NOT you…it’s just a cruel world.
We can’t sleep away the sadness, so choosing to sleep every opportunity we get just wastes the moments and times in life’s short stay. Plus when we wake-up from those times we intentionally choose to sleep – trying to forget the pain, those same awful feelings will still be there waiting for us.
I don’t believe “Time Heals All”, but I do believe time just helps us learn from our past, and that all you really need is yourself. You have to move on and forget those awful feelings consuming your life, simply because if someone could abandon you when you needed them…they are not going to come back to fix you. You need to become your own indestructible machine.
Some days will be tougher than others, but you do have the strength to push through them, or else you still wouldn’t be here today.
Of course the pain will always be inevitable, but you have to remind yourself the suffering is optional.
You can’t let the unspoken goodbyes haunt you forever, for it’s simple: they were never able (and never will be able) to see your worth, and how much you had to offer…but that doesn’t mean others don’t deserve to see it.
Although you’ll never be able to forget, and occasionally reminders will trigger the pain to come back, you don’t have to forgive those that abandoned and hurt you, but you need to forgive yourself so those negative feelings stop taking up space in your heart. You must learn and find some way to let go, and figure out a way to instead use those emotions to give yourself that unconditional love that you’ve always longed for… which will help you figure out how you will never allow yourself to feel those awful feelings ever again.